I grew up in an alcoholic home; both of my parents are alcoholic. Moved around a lot, was always the new girl. Was abused in all forms. But that's not what makes me an alcoholic. Its the fact that I have a disease of the mind and body. A mind that very literally obsesses over drinking "normally", and a body that can never do so.
I had big dreams as a child. Did very well all throughout highschool. But I always felt so alone, so anxious and so so afraid unless I was intoxicated. So from age 15-22 I made it my only priority to stay intoxicated in one form or another 24/7.
I did things you couldn't imagine. Hurt and crushed the ones who loved me. Got arrested more times than I can remember. Shed all my morals, values and ethics for just ONE more. I did things that make me feel like it was quite literally a whole other person's life. I was miserable. I wasn't even a shell of a person. I was hopeless. I should've been a girl you saw in the newspaper for overdosing. I've tried to kill myself on 3 separate occasions.
And now? As of April 30th, 2013? I am happy, not suicidal. I am free, not addicted. I am honest, not a lying theif. I am dependable, not unreliable. I am loving, not hateful. I have integrity, not secrets. I am strong, not afraid. I am a woman who has survived literal hell on Earth who is not ashamed of what she did or who she was. Because I am who I am today because of that glorious journey. And it's the most beautiful, colorful, vibrant life.
How? Pain. Enough pain for me to humble myself enough to accept help. Enough pain to make me realise that I WILL die unless I change. Enough pain for me to accept A.A. as a solution.